|
THE
KING SWINDLER
AKA:
The King Of Swindlers
Year:
1993 Reviewer: Andrew
Saroch
Apparently,
Jackie Chan had to make 'Fantasy
Mission Force' and 'Island
Of Fire' to pay back Wang Yu for saving his life. If that
really is the case, I can only imagine what poor Sammo owed
Chu Yen Ping for 'The King Swindler' to be made. Short of
giving the 'Big Guy' his firstborn child's only functioning
kidney, I'm at a loss to understand how Chu Yen Ping could've
press-ganged him into appearing in this maddening mess.
Closely
following a script that was probably found in a promotional
'Kinder Surprise' egg, Sammo plays a hopeless chancer who,
with his young son, spends his time swindling strangers. When
one such swindle alerts the police, Sammo is arrested and his
son is given to policewoman Sandra Ng to care for. The young
boy befriends his new guardian and her mischievous (to put it
politely) toddler, spending time as part of a real family.
When his father is subsequently released from prison, the
eager young son is desperate for a proper family and some
stability to his life.
Like
a particularly banal version of 'Home Alone' mixed with the
dying embers of the 'Carry On' series, 'The King Swindler' is
an experience akin to being involved in some gruesome farming
accident, but with far greater mental consequences. Even as I
write this review, I look back on the shattered ruins of my
life as I remain pessimistic of ever recovering a love for
cinema after this. It starts with a spurt of action, moves
onto an extended sketch with our two young 'heroes' up to
various antics, then switches to a family drama and finishes
with a mixture of everything. Abandon hope, all ye who watch
this!
Just
when you think Chu Yen Ping cannot sink any lower - having
subjected us to all manner of inanities - he then has the
audacity to try to inject some pathos into the story. Much
like adding a hint of peppermint to anthrax to make it more
palatable, this merely looks like the desperate actions of a
madman. Still, if you can sit through the moments of overblown
melodrama, I'm sure that you wont be adversely affected by the
deafening soundtrack that attempts to force us into certain
emotions (I'm not sure nausea was one of the desired ones).
Nevertheless,
every cloud has a silver lining so they say and 'The King
Swindler' can at least boast an encyclopaedic knowledge of the
fart joke. Everyone breaks wind in this one, from the old to
the very young and in an admirably researched variety of
styles and locations. For the definitive guide to toilet
humour, look no further - 'The King Swindler' is to bowel
movements what John Ford is to Westerns.
'The
King Swindler' is a traumatic experience. The 'Cute Kids'
style of film-making is my genre from hell anyway, but these
are an especially irritating brood and the film is especially
mind-rotting. It eats away at you, gradually destroying your
will to live and resigning you to a state of futile
bewilderment. Please, let me be it's very last victim.
|
